What is Said and What is Not.
By P.B. Phillips
Husband: ‘Evening love, how are you?’
Wife: ‘Evening love, I made your favorite; chicken stew.’
Husband: ‘Great, I’ll just go and wash up.’
Wife: ‘Great, I’ll just go and dish up.’
Wife: Ungrateful git, it took me hours to prep and cook from scratch.
Husband: Talentless witch, just think of England and shovel it down the hatch.
Husband: ‘Bless you, thank you for that my flower.’
Wife: ‘Just doing what I can, within my power.’
Husband: ‘I'll tidy away, when I'm able.’
Wife: ‘Don't worry, sit, I'll clear the kitchen table.’
Could you see your way clear, do you think.
To putting the plates in the dishwasher and clean the glasses in the sink.
Could you see your way clear, do you think.
To acting less of a turd; you lazy, rat-tailed fink!
Husband: Would you mind awfully, and be a dear.
To do the washing later and bring me a beer.
Would you mind awfully, and to be a clear.
Stop your vacuuming, the footie scores are on, I just can’t hear!
Husband: ‘I think I'll take the dog down to the pub.’
There I'll get some better company and better grub.
Wife: ‘The Red Bull or the Woolpack?’
It's icy, I hope you slip and break your fecking back!
Husband: ‘Just the Con Club, I won't be long.’
I wish you'd just sod off whilst I'm gone.
Wife: [Smiling at Husband] That man, is a pointless waste of space.
I never should have married him. Why was I in such haste?
What would my life had been like,
If I’d have followed my heart and married Mike?
What a guy, hansom, funny, smart and of cause he’s filthy rich.
What was I thinking, what a silly, silly bitch.
Husband: [Smiling at Wife] That woman doesn’t understand just how hard I work.
I never should have married her, what a berk.
The missed opportunities, the stunners who I passed on by.
Wow to think of it, would make me cry.
Remember Debs, Chrissy, Sandra, none of those became old and fat.
What was I thinking, where was my head, boy, what a twat.
Wife: ‘Here’s Rover’s lead. I love you my dear; enjoy.’
In the morning, I might call the divorce lawyers; Bell & Roy.
Husband: ‘Thank you. I love you too, my heart, my joy.’
In the morning, I might call those divorce lawyers; Mell & Foy.